Sometimes I like to think about how my life would be if things never happened. What would have happened if my father never left…or if my mom never married my step father…or if i had a sister instead of a brother. Sometimes i wonder what would’ve happened if I still was active in high school…if i joined the basketball team or soccer team. I used to play sports before I got depressed. I can’t imagine what would’ve happened if I never went to Georgia. The consequences of my actions would’ve been too great for me to handle. That horrible time in that state saved my life. The separation and isolation brought me back to my mind…and forced me to work through my childhood problems. I don’t know what would’ve happened if I never escaped Georgia and didn’t come back to New Jersey. I probably would’ve shot myself…or something that would’ve resulted in the same way. Then again, I probably wouldn’t of found the support I did from friends who’ve forgotten me. I probably wouldn’t of met HIM. And I probably wouldn’t have found any purpose in life. Sometimes it feels hopeless though. I believe we are all souls who have floated around for decades in space only to return to earth to take another shot at being pure. My boyfriend’s aunt studies energy. She said we are both young souls. But i feel so old. Only 21, and I yearn for retirement…to relax and experience life as it is…without any expectations…just to find truth and happiness in this awful society we have all created. Sean says I shouldn’t worry so much about the world and it’s morals as long as none of the bad things are happening to me. I can’t help it. I want to start a revolution. I want to make people realize we are all humans who need the same things…no matter what we’ve done. We all need peace and to feel equal and safe. Gender shouldn’t matter…nor should our sins as long as we realize our mistakes. I don’t know. I’m going to bed.